Skirts for Men. The End is Indeed Near.

Over at Ace's they're been trading puns and insults about a serious threat to western civilization:  skirts for men.  And to my everlasting shame, I notice that the phone number given on the website selling these abominations has a Seattle area code.

Assuming this must be a hoax, I closed all the incriminating windows, shook my head many times, poured a tall cold one and tried to move on to something less distressing; news about random killings of children or a recall of Hershey's chocolate, something bearable. 

Then I remembered that my insane oldest son, the one who is actually PAID to be a firefighter and thus must have at least a rudimentary, fleeting relationship with the real world,  had appeared for Thanksgiving in a "utility kilt" with velcro pockets and a hammer loop.

Oh. My. God. 

So. I must apologize for the company, located in Seattle, that's selling these dreadful items. Indeed I must totally abase and humble myself on behalf of the city of my birth.

But let's get clear on one thing. No matter what heinous and unprovoked slander they may be posting over at Ace's comment section, the effete snobs at Microsoft do NOT wear man-skirts. No. It had to be the wussies at Starbucks, the ones who no doubt started us all down the road to an emasculated world by offering DECAFFEINATED COFFEE, who enabled this outrage.

And about the skirt named Tenino - It's pronounced Teh - nine - oh -  It is my happy duty to inform you that Tenino is a tough and gritty little place up in the hills where people make a living hauling timber, hammering stuff to other stuff and winning arguments with beef. Any guy who showed up in Tenino wearing the eponymous skirt would soon be missing any male equipment to dangle under it.

Just remember, it was Starbucks. Or maybe Nordstrom, doing a little stealth market research. Anybody who says it was the Microsofters is probably working as a disinformation agent for Apple.  Here in Seattle we can take our medicine, but we won't take the fall for those Nancy Boys in the green aprons when they go right over the edge and start wearing skirts under them. 

I'm just sayin.