Guys, Stay Out Of This Line(r)

According to Yahoo's front page, some androgynous but putatively male synthebrity is making eyeliner a must for men.

When pigs fly.  Or, to paraphrase another master of manipulating appearances:  It depends on what your definition of "men" is.

Appealing as Yahoo's unformed and pouty creature may be to pedophiles and poorly-parented 13 year old girls, I just don't see the red-blooded men of fly-over country flocking to the Clinique counters anytime soon.  Johnny Depp wannabees at Yahoo can call it "Guyliner" until the last Pirates of the Caribbean Sequel, but anyone who knows his way around a socket set will see it for the hogwash it is.

So here's a few blue collar truths for all you cosmetically enhanced nancy-boys:  real women won't share their mascara with anyone who doesn't wear a bra.  Having a brother who is higher maintenance than she is won't bring a girl happiness.  Smart women want a man, not a gender-neutral makeup consultant, to help them raise their children. 

When the firefighters who congregate at our local coffeeshop show up wearing eyeshadow and blusher color-coordinated to their Nomex bunker gear, I'll believe it's a real trend.  Until then, I recommend that men put down the eyeliner, step away from the lipstick, and remember that Yahoo isn't talking to you. 

They're trying to titillate your baby sister, that's all.