Just As I Almost Wasn't

This morning is calm and lovely in Seattle.  My grandchildren are healthy; each day another pleasure of the Pacific Northwest summer unfolds.

And I am oh, so thankful to be alive.

A week or so ago I was on a plane.  It was a full flight, and we were an hour into the long westward arc that would bring me home.   I had happily established that my seatmate was a military man and that there were many other seriously fit and determined looking men on board who could probably deal with any terrorist threat that might materialize. 

I was at peace with the world and enjoying the sight of America sliding silently beneath me.  Then some food stuck in my throat.  It's amazing how quickly your mind and body try all the possibilities and how panicked you become when you cannot breathe; or speak; or think of anything else to do that might save you.

I was fuzzing out mentally from lack of oxygen and the man next to me had just realized I was in serious trouble when in desperation I got a good grip on the sides of the seatback in front of me and jerked myself into the tray table.  The results were not amusing or esthetically pleasing, except of course for the bottom line, which was that I was still alive.

G-d bless all the wonderful human beings around me who cleaned up without complaint and expressed only relief and happiness that I was okay.  I'm forever in debt to the fabulous man next to me, who made the whole plane relax and laugh with his observation that he'd seen worse food fights at the mess hall in Iraq.

It's wonderful to be alive.  I've told my friends and family how very, very much they mean to me.  That when I started to see death as a real possibility, the only thing that hurt was that I'd be away from them.   That all I want, now more than ever, is to breathe the free air of America, be of service to those around me, live an ordinary life gratefully and gracefully.

Here online I'd like to thank my role models in the sensible women's blogging community:  Michelle Malkin, the Anchoress, Advice Goddess, Pamela @ Atlas Shrugs, Neo, Tammy Bruce, and so many others.   Thanks to my best friend and honorary sister, who for her own protection can remain nameless.  For the magnificent friend who inspires, teaches, and treasures me,  there are no adequate words and nothing I can offer that he hasn't already earned a dozen times over.   I don't know what the future holds for us, but his was the voice in my head telling me not to stop fighting, not now, not ever. 

Two things: right now is always the best time to love your life; everything and everyone in it.  And the toughest thing of all for me and plenty of others:  foolish pride and a desire to avoid even the appearance of trouble can cost us more than we ever imagine.  I wanted so much not to make a mess and have people think I was weak and vulnerable that I was almost dead before I gave that up. 

Life is messy and doing what we need to do can make others mad at us.  But G-d will help us clean up.  G-d lets us start over every day.  That's the real gift of life.  All the glories and foolishness of man comes down to just you and me, just today, just where we are, with just what we already have. 

Grab on to it and live it good.