The Laundry Detergent Skirmish

There's a huge disconnect between appearance and reality in laundry detergents.  This is no accident.  If you read the consumer testing reports, or do some experiments yourself, you know that the $4.99 generic stuff from Big-Box Store is likely to clean as well as anything else. 

But of course people have different needs and desires and outright fantasies involving laundry detergent.  Clean is just the start of it, and not the most important part for lots of people.  Forest-fresh scent?  Bright blue color?  Dreamy, romantic package graphics?  Help the environment and save the planet?  Right there on the shelves at your local market.

But for us, with our bonus-size family and propensity to amuse ourselves in the company of dirt, oil,  sawdust, agricultural chemicals, greasy engine parts, large animals and noxious formerly-edible substances, buckets full of detergent are practical. And there's the problem.

Where in the name of Heaven do you put that bucket?  There's never a place on the floor that someone won't trip over.  And the baby will open the lid, you know they will, even if YOU can't, and eat the stuff.  Or their ever-helpful seven year old sister will leave the lid open after she performs a virtuous service and puts all your wool sweaters in the washer.  With hot water.  Any detergent the baby doesn't eat, she'll leave in a pile by the bucket so your fifteen year old nephew will kick it under the machines while he's under the influence of his i-Pod. 

Unless the cats get to it first and track it onto the plush dark-red sectional in the tv room.

There's not enough space on the folding table.  And if there were, the spilled detergent would get on the clean clothes.  The bucket is too big for the cupboard.  Even if it would fit, you couldn't reach up and over the top of the rim to get the scoop full of powder.   And the bucket might fit under the sink if only all those silly PIPES weren't there.  Women all know that men design houses, that's for sure.  Pipes have no business under sinks, where we want to HIDE things, for goodness sake.

It's always a puzzle and rarely is there a good answer.  Laundry detergent makers can, and do, charge a lot more for a package that's convenient.   Currently the favored model holds liquid detergent and sits on the shelf above the washer.  Like a good soldier it is ready for action.  Turn a cute little spigot and the stuff runs into the machine.    You don't even have to pick up the container.  So simple.

But we have no shelf over the machine and no space to install one.

Then there's the little bottles that can rest on top of the washer. Expensive.  And you either run out every day and a half, or need to buy a dozen at a time and store them ..... store them ..... out in the woodshed, I suppose.  Nice try.

Quite a while back a manufacturer made laundry detergent in big pellets.  Bliss.  My grandmother had them in a mesh bag on a nail in the wall.  Of course they didn't dissolve properly in anything but hot water.  Perhaps we could use new technologies and bring this product back, able to dissolve in cold water.  Most of us could find a piece of wall big enough for a nail and a mesh bag.

If someone can solve this problem, the American laundry-doing public will make them rich.  And famous.  The typical dwelling today has a grand total of seven cubic feet of storage space and none of it in the laundry.  And we keep getting clothes dirty and trying to clean them, to the chagrin of the environmentalists and nudists.

We'd probably want this genius, this angel, this deus ex machina of the Maytag, to run for President. 

I'd vote for them.

Comments

[Francis W. Porretto]

We have that problem at the Fortress of Crankitude, too. The C.S.O. likes to buy her detergent at CostCo, in containers that could probably accommodate a floating casino. However, the little valve at the bottom of said containers remains functional for about one use, and then clogs permanently. Thus it falls to your Curmudgeon, a brute of Neanderthal strength, to dispense detergent by lifting the forty-pound container and pouring directly into the washer from the air-relief inlet.

Well, it does save on gym memberships.

AskMom:

Sorry to hear that the fortress is having this serious problem, Francis, and my regards to the CSO.

One possible solution is to line up a small handful of aging washcloths and fold them neatly on or near the casino tanker. Wet one and wrap it around the nozzle so drying is impeded. You can re-wet and reuse the washcloth a few times, then just drop it into a wash, dip the next volunteer into the washer and proceed. This works for several persons I know.

My daughter, who does approximately a dozen loads of laundry a day, strangely does not have this problem of the nozzle drying out. She has to buy a new casino tanker each time she goes to Costco, though. Maybe the two babies in the house are climbing on the washer and drinking the stuff. I wouldn't put it past them.

[Trevor's Mommy]

Here in Reginaldia, we have never had said casino tanker's spout clog. I used to only wash approximately two loads per week. Now I wash a load at least every other day!

Now, lifting the casino barge into our ample laundry area storage cupboards is a whole nother story! I don't complain much though since I am blessed with not only enough storage for my Costco laundry detergent, but also for all of my other cleaning supplies in the laundry room. Which conveniently leaves just enough room amongst the pipes under the kitchen sink...for the five pound bucket of dishwasher detergent we also buy at Costco.

[mioddleagedhousewife]

What kinda houses you folks got? Here in our little part of Carolina, the northern one, I
ve got a full basement. 1800 sq footsies of space and my wash area is the entire back end of it. When Harris-Teeter has a buy one/get one, I pick up anywhere from 6-10 boxes of Gain. I mix it 1/2 and 1/2 w/ cheapo stuff and it does the trick. I have 4 boys - 11 to 17- and everybody has at least one dog or cat on the end of their bed at night. Needless to say, I do plenty laundry. Heaps o' laundry, even. MY complaint? It's all downstairs. 16 sharply pitched steps down with full basket. Somebody's
gonna find me crumpled up dead at the bottom of those &%)&% steps one day !

[another mom in laundry land]

I found this article funny o too true. It is nice to hear someone else understands the little troubles in life.
With a small baby in cloth diapers I do A LOT of laundry. Currently my Costco bucket is on the floor; but I don't know what I'll do when my little one is making the kind of detergent eating trouble I remember making for my mom. I sure don't have a basment full of storrage to use.

[Morenuancedthanyou]

A solution would be to keep a reasonably-sized container at the washer and refill it as necessary from the Notre-Dame-de-Paris-sized container in the cupboard in the garage.
I like the economy of the bulk containers but storage+dispensing definitely has to be addressed.

[remy]

Your comments on space reverberated with me. I live in an apartment that has a washer and dryer, but they are snugly tucked into a closet. There is no way that a big detergent bottle could fit in the space. I recently stumbled upon a new product called dropps at Bed Bath & Beyond. dropps is a laundry detergent that comes in pre-measured dissovable packets. A box of 20 takes up very little space and lays on top of my dryer (I have a stacked washer/dryer). It cleans my clothes VERY well and leaves my clothing feeling incredible soft. I found it a bit expensive, but when you buy a large quantity at www.dropps.com, the price is pretty reasonable. For those who were worrying about the mess and chance that their kids would get into the detergent, this is a good problem solver. The packets reduce any possible chance of your kids ever having contact with the detergent. Plus, it is enzyme free, which is great for me. I am sensitive to all of the enzyme rich detergents. Cross my fingers, but I haven't had any problems!

Great post!